Road to the Razzies
It takes a special, gutter-dwelling brand of movie-making to get the folks at the Razzies to cry uncle. What made the grade the other night at a party to watch and debate the worst-of-the-worst from '08?
Uwe Boll's "Postal."
It was a wondrous thing to behold -- people accustomed to suffering through all manner of horrifyingly bad movies couldn't take even one more snippet, much less the entire flick. By group consensus, we watched another Boll video game-based masterwork, "In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale." (Synopsis: Burt Reynolds at his frozen-faced best, and Matthew Lillard desperately needing a Scooby snack to tame a mad, spittle-punctuated overacting job. Nothing else about the movie really matters).
Being a new Razzie member, your resident Gold Rusher didn't want to rock the boat, or cause the assembled bad-cinema-buffs to projectile vomit their Pollo Loco dinner, but we would've girded ourselves for Boll's post-9/11 Osama Bin Laden "comedy," "Postal." Truth be told, we'd already gritted our teeth through "In the Name of the King" because it's on one of the movie channels right now for free (and it was on our radar because it was pre-ordained to be one of the year's worst at last February's Razzie awards).
Turns out that the Razzie crowd this past weekend contained one poor soul who had paid to see "Postal" during its theatrical run of a whopping four theaters. OK, if just for that guy alone, the room made the right call.
Other "highlights" of the night included bits from "Witless Protection," starring Larry the Cable Guy and his flatulence, "The Hottie & The Nottie," with Paris Hilton and her shameless mugging, and "The Happening," M. Night Shyamalan's latest somnambulant thriller.
Oh, so many choices. So much crap to wade through. Is the suspense killing you yet?
If the answer is yes, come on back in a week (Jan. 21) to see which flicks get the Razzie treatment. For the first time this year, the Razzie nominations will be announced ahead of the awards. That'll happen, fittingly, the day before the Oscar nods, and the Razzies are doled out, not at all coincidentally, the day before the Oscars.
Mmmmm, chocolate Oscar. Not every star will walk away from the 81st annual Academy Awards with a trophy, but if they hit the high-profile Governor's Ball they can have pastry chef Sherry Yard's gold-dusted candy version. Also on the menu from celeb chef Wolfgang Puck is tuna tartare in sesame miso cones, chopped Chino Farms vegetable salad with ginger soy vinaigrette, Maine lobster and caviar. Serve it up! (Getty Images)
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