Did you know that the cummerbund is basically the male equivalent of a bra? Or that there's a right and wrong way to wear a pocket square, if, that is, you're rocking a tie tack at the same time?
Neither did we.
That's where Esquire comes in today, with a cold, hard assessment of male fashion from the 81st Annual Academy Awards.
And just in case you couldn't tell, it's the Day After the Oscars and your resident Gold Rusher is sporting a brain so fried that anything more than fashion recaps may cause a meltdown of epic proportions.
So we checked out the Esquire best/worst list to see that 18-year-old Dev Patel, star of the eight-time Oscar-winning love story "Slumdog Millionaire," scored again as a best-dressed dude (something about a shawl collar), Mickey Rourke, best actor nominee for "The Wrestler," earned the "so crazy it might work" label (Isaac Mizrahi just called him "jaunty" on the "Today Show"), Brad Pitt's sleeves were too long, Zac Efron used too much product while trying to "upscale his haircut," and Seth Rogen is "most improved."
Seal looked great too, the magazine says, but nobody ever pays attention because they're much more interested in what Heidi's wearing. Didn't she look fab in that red frock?
For the full slideshow, go here