WWDD about falling ratings?

What would Don Draper do if his ratings fell off 45% from his show's season 2 premiere?

Maybe a more apropos question is, what would past Emmy winner/current Emmy nominee Matthew Weiner do?

And the answer, we hope, is to stay the course for "Mad Men," which means continuing to create one of the most engaging dramas on TV today.

There's been a lot of tittering this week about the steep slide in ratings after a surge of more than 2 million people tuned in for this season's launch. The marked increase, more than double the viewership from the freshman season, in all likelihood could be attributed to the boatload of Emmy nominations the show had just received and all the press attention around those. Add to that an estimated $25 million in marketing that AMC shelled out to embed Draper and his Sterling Cooper world in the pop culture frontal lobe, and that equals one fine launch.

Cable overall is basking in the glow of another healthy summer. So why aren't people sticking around for more "Mad Men?"

Let's be clear about something -- there's been no bait and switch. The marketing promised, and the show delivers. So far, this season of "Mad Men" is every inch the fascinating character-driven story that hooked us in the first place.

Sorry AMC, but it's destined to be a critical darling, not a mass enterprise. It's niche, and we're not saying that like it's a bad thing.

But please, everybody, stop making the "Arrested Development" comparisons and let's just see what happens come Emmy night. We're beginning to sense a romp, swingin' '60s style.

 

Meredith Vieira from the inside out

We catch her on TV on a somewhat regular basis, with morning shows making for good background noise and all, but we can't say that we know Meredith Vieira personally or anything, no matter the extent of the "outrageous" happy chat with Ann Curry.

But something that came over the transom today made us feel a little closer to (and fairly embarrassed for) the multi-Emmy-winning daytime TV star. The press release headline:

"Discover Meredith Vieira's Azores"

Gee, should we? That seems kind of wrong.

Once we slogged our way through the lengthy, purple prose communique, we found that Azores isn't a body part at all. It's an island group midway between the East Coast of the U.S. and mainland Portugal, says the travel-hawking release. Hey, we never said we weren't dumb Americans with little grasp of geography. That makes us relatable, right?

As it happens, Vieira is planning to do a "Today Show" segment on Azores, seeing as her family originally hailed from that area. Get ready for a lot of tales about whaling.

We're just relieved this doesn't involve watching her colonoscopy.

 

Emmy's best of the best?

It might as well be called, A Montage Of No Particular Importance, Just for Padding.

ABC and the TV Academy are asking you to vote on "TV's most memorable moment" in two broad categories, comedy and drama. So far, the list has already been whittled down for you, potential voter, from millions to 20 in each race. Your mission, should you choose to fall for it, is to refine that number to 10 comedy and 10 drama clips to be played during the Sept. 21 show.

And if you don't care to participate, we wonder if that same "blue ribbon panel" that picked the top 20 will do its "expert" thing to arrive at the so-called best of the best. So far, we're not impressed with their taste.

Truth be told, we're kind of confounded by the lists, which contain a great show that was consistently shut out of the Emmys ("Buffy, the Vampire Slayer), and some Emmy darlings that were completely snubbed -- no "Cheers," no "Frasier," no "Simpsons," no "West Wing." "Grey's Anatomy" made the cut, but "St. Elsewhere" did not. "Miami Vice" was singled out over dozens of arguably more worthy cop and crime shows.

Then there are the musical and reality bits that would seem to have no place in a comedy category -- the "American Idol" finale from season 2, and the Beatles on "The Ed Sullivan Show"). Those were funny?

It's downright impossible to find a thread, though inevitably any such short list of "the greatest" from TV will be fraught with problems and subject to attack.

We're happy to oblige, as is fellow blogger Tom O'Neil who puts his Rain Man skills to work on the inconsistencies and omissions on the comedy side. He points out, for instance, that Jackie Gleason was infuriated until the day he died that he never won an Emmy for "The Honeymooners." But there he is in a clip that's among the voting pool.

In other Emmy telecast news: the "Desperate Housewives" -- all of them -- will try not to recreate that famous Vanity Fair photo situation as they present an award en masse, and "Baby Mamma"/"SNL" duo Tina Fey and Amy Poehler also will work the podium, probably more successfully than most.

Things are looking up?

Robert Downey Jr.'s next Oscar turn?

Ed Norton for best actor! He was tortured -- tortured! -- as a human science experiment gone wrong who was looking for inner peace but found only his giant Gumby-colored alter ego and William Hurt and Tim Roth overacting their arses off.

We jest, of course (but not about that last part).

Not sure what's more off-the-wall these days: Web-fueled discussions that try to advance some non-Oscar performances for the major award, or blog chatter handicapping the race based on movies that no one has seen. It could be a draw.

Let's deal with these travesties one at a time, shall we?

The latest to catch our eye has been the meta-moment call for a best supporting actor nod for Robert Downey Jr. for his blackface actor/soldier in "Tropic Thunder." Not that we didn't love him -- not that we don't always love him -- but we can come to no other conclusion than that the awards drive itself is satire, as in, you guys must be kidding.

He had the most memorable line of the movie -- "Never go full retard!" -- spoken as sage advice to Ben Stiller's action hero who'd done the short-bus character flick "Simple Jack" in a fruitless quest for the Golden Guy. But in no way is that an Oscar performance, zeitgeist-catching and guffaw-inducing though it was.

We've seen our own readers spontaneously get behind unlikely Oscar candidates -- Sarah Jessica Parker in "Sex and the City," for one -- but we're suspicious of these blog-generated pseudo-campaigns. Until, that is, we come up with one of our own.

Where should we begin? Suggestions accepted, the more outlandish the better.

And soon, we'll get to that second irritant: Predicting Oscar without seeing the flicks. This will be sandwiched between our '09 charts, graphs and rankings. Content? We don't need no stinkin' content!

'Mamma Mia,' karaoke style

Aside from hauling it to the gas station to properly inflate our tires (it's our civic duty, after all), we can't think of anything we'd rather be doing than hitting a sing-along to "Mamma Mia!"

Jackpot!

Not that it could possibly live up to the recent "South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut" outdoor sing-along/howl-fest, but Universal at least hopes to rake in some additional cash by releasing a subtitled version of the hit musical, starring Oscar darling/two-time winner Meryl Streep.

Not incidentally, the musical has raked in more than $116 million already, its soundtrack is a top seller, and the rising tide has also lifted ABBA's classics.

In addition to more coinage, could the sing-along tactic actually have an impact on major awards? Since there's been little excitement this year outside the tentpole/superhero realm, it couldn't possibly hurt to have a fatter bottom line and more popular support going into trophy season.

And anyway, you have something better to do on Labor Day weekend? Go massacre some "Dancing Queen"!

 

Chandra Wilson still feels like Cinderella

Chandra Wilson has been known to dig into her musical theater background and serenade her cast mates with some strains of "Amazing Grace." Get it? (Her show's set at fictional hospital Seattle Grace). Does that mean she's up for an all-singing all-dancing episode of "Grey's Anatomy."

"Do not put that out into the universe!" she said.

Oops. Too late.

Wilson, who's been nominated for a best supporting actress Emmy for the third time this year for her portrayal of "Grey's" resident hardass Dr. Miranda Bailey, freely admits to her soap addiction, talks about paparazzi-free shopping and mulls the Major Awards beauty pageant in a chat with Gold Rush today.

Oh, and did she mention she really really likes the writers on the show (unlike some people).

Gold Rush: So why don't we ever see you in the tabloids?

CW: I still like to go to Target, and I don't want anybody following me with a camera. I want to be able to roll through Vons and not get criticized for buying Chip's Ahoy instead of rice cakes. I truly feel like a working actor, and I never looked to be a celebrity. But you never know, my turn could be coming.

Gold Rush: About that writing on "Grey's..."

CW: There still isn't a table read that goes by that I don't say, "Where did you guys find this stuff and what's going on over there in that bungalow?" And I mean that in a good way. The way they write means that I'm always learning something new about Dr. Bailey, and that keeps it fun for me. It makes me do things outside my comfort zone.

GR: Did you consider a "Nazi"-centric submission for the Emmys instead of a highly emotional one?

CW: In the past, I thought it would be right to submit an episode that showed all facets of her character. (Editor's note: that would mean lots of audience-pleasing soul-crushing beat-downs of the frisky and entitled pool of interns). But I've learned that since I'm competing in this drama category, and being judged against other dramatic performances, that it's not about the character arc. It's about that high drama.

GR: Speaking of high drama, what's going on with Victor over at "The Young and The Restless?"

CW: Victor's gone all undercover, he's in Mexico for some reason. It's good stuff. I'm glad there's an exciting story going on for Eric Braeden (Emmy winning actor who plays Victor Newman) because we have to keep him happy there so he won't go anywhere.

GR: By the way, do you think there's some fountain of youth just for soap stars, because some of them don't look a day older than they did 20 years ago?

CW: There's some real joy there, or a really nice health plan! It doesn't look like any crazy plastic surgery or anything. They're aging so well. I have to think they're really happy doing what they do.

GR: What's the fascination with soaps anyway?

CW: You can come back after 15 years and you'll still know people. It's consistent, and I like that. Life is so inconsistent and can be so unstable. It's comforting.

GR: Can you put a dollar figure on an Emmy?

CW: I'm not the kind of actor who's trying to get somewhere. I feel like I already got there when I got my SAG card. I guess there is a financial value as far as agents are concerned, and it does become your new introduction. But to me, it's the industry validation more than an increased paycheck.

GR: Your competitors are Candice Bergen (five-time Emmy winner), Rachel Griffiths (Oscar and Emmy nominee), cast mate Sandra Oh (three prior nominations), and two-time Oscar-winner Dianne Wiest. No pressure!

CW: It's absolutely crazy! I walk in with no expectations, especially when this show was created to follow what happens with the interns. It was never intended to be about my character. Her evolution has been great, but she was always meant to be a supporting part of the cast. It's an absolute complement. Even though it's my third time, I still just like to be at the party.

Lauren Conrad won't let Emmy go naked

Someone who understands such things -- that is, consistently readable fashion and style writer Monica Corcoran -- says that Lauren Conrad's dresses are "cute and airy, like meringue."

In other words, fluffy and hollow. Nothing special.

So, Corcoran wonders in yesterday's Image section of the L.A. Times, why will they be featured on the upcoming Emmy telecast as the first-ever custom-created outfits for the trophy presenters?

Asked and answered: Apparently those putting together the show think/hope that giving the gig to the massively overexposed reality princess from "The Hills" will be better for ratings than choosing, say, an award-winning costumer from any number of award-winning TV shows.

Wha?

Sounds a lot like grasping at straws, and not surprisingly, since last year's 13.1 million viewers (a measly 8.4 rating) were the fewest to watch the show in 17 years.

Most of the major industry awards shows have suffered similarly, though we doubt that'll be a problem for the small but mighty MTV VMAs this year, but that's an exception. Then, is this the answer? Turning to Lauren Conrad for some kind of brand rub off? Didja hear? There's a sex tape scandal ready to blow (pun intended). Sex tape!

Will the targeted demo -- the staged-reality-loving celebutard-gazing OK!-reading crowd -- care one bit who "designed" the trophy girl dresses?

Can't imagine that's true. Then again, we'll be at the Emmys because we have to be. And the producers are going for a completely different (i.e. more psychographically desirable) crowd. Good luck with that.

 

The lonely American Teen

Smart-house heaven, it ain't.

Speaking here of our neighborhood AMC theaters, a whopping 30 screens all within a stone's throw of each other in beautiful downtown Burbank. They're not so generous with the "AMC Select" at this time of year. All the more reason this weekend to immediately snatch up tickets when "American Teen" appeared in one of the coveted but rarely assigned indie slots.

Having heard the hearty hurrahs that went up at Sundance for this indie docudrama, we'd been waiting for it to open anywhere closer than a $10 roundtrip (in a Jetta, mind you!).

Then it happened on this past perfect hot weekend. Racing to the multiplex on Saturday afternoon -- Cutting it kind of close, aren't we? Big, big Entertainment Weekly story just told the world how lovable, relatable (and marketable) these kids are! -- we figured we could catch the next one if our chosen show were sold out.

Sorry, Paramount Vantage, or what's left of you. There were six -- count 'em six -- people in the theater. And that's including our party of two.

"American Teen" was everything that every glowing review had said of it -- warm, wise, funny, goofy, charming, heartbreaking, touching, frightening, illuminating, inspiring.

And, according to Box Office Mojo, it's made a whopping $656,000 (sarcasm intended).

It's clearly the non-year of the doc -- critically adored "Young@Heart" couldn't even keep its berth at the Arclight for more than a couple weeks, bumped out by tentpoles -- which is particularly discouraging in light of this insightful little gem. Definitely not a product problem, and doesn't really seem to be a marketing problem, at least judging from the lengths to which Vantage went to try to drum up influential pictures and ink (all favorable, by the way).

No doubt "American Teen" will have a full life, but it's just a shame that an awards-quality movie like this can't get arrested in today's blockbuster-driven environment. We have to wonder if the paltry boxoffice will hurt its chances for much-deserved gold.

Just leaves the obvious question: What's a great doc gotta do to get some love around here? Any ideas? Anybody?

 

Actual music videos

You won't normally see any of the videos nominated for the MTV VMAs on MTV -- not that there's any discrimination involved, the channel just makes a lot more money off "The Hills," all right? -- so you can watch them here, in all their Jonas Brothers glory.

Wanna hear a tidbit we learned accidentally while trolling the flagship MTV site while looking for the VMA site? There's a Bonus Jonas! And he's a real pip!

But back to the VMAs, where, when we last left it, we still didn't know if new-and-improved Brit Brit would join the saucy Brit on the Sept. 7 live show, as the current TV promos might imply. You can prime yourself for a Potential Second Coming by watching her nominated video for "Piece of Me."

Among the other finalists: Paramore, Foo Fighters, Chris Brown, Katy Perry, Slipknot and Pussycat Dolls who, we're pretty sure, provided the inspiration for the catch phrase hot tranny mess. Watch that video at your own risk, and don't say we didn't warn you.

 

Riddle me this: Batman goes Green?

Not that we didn't get a chuckle out of him in "Domino," where he did an unexpectedly decent job at self-parody with fellow "90210" alum Ian (that's EYE-an) Ziering, but hey, we must protest the Brian Austin Green campaign to be the Riddler in the next Batman movie.

First of all, who asked him for script and/or villain ideas anyway?

And second...well, do we really need a second?

The inevitable rush to Christopher Nolan's door was probably already well under way long before "The Dark Knight" clocked in at the Second Biggest Movie of All Time. And seeing the potential Oscar-nominated performance of the late Heath Ledger no doubt has made many a young and hungry actor feel that the Batman franchise is the place to bust out the Method.

Maybe Green was heartened to hear that career-resurrector Quentin Tarantino has made the most unlikely casting choice of "The Love Guru" himself, Mike Myers, for his upcoming WWII flick, "Inglorious Bastards." (29 lines, no Hindi accent!)

They did seem to dig him at the Con (see photo), where he made an appearance as part of the "Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles," his current Fox show. Then again, those chicks were mad-horny this year!

If you're up on your Gold Rush trivia (what? you're not?), you'd know that Green got some ink on this here blog a few months back for perhaps the most high-profile awards nomination of his life: Spike TV Guy's Choice Award for "luckiest bastard" because he dated Megan Fox. (He won!)

What we're trying to say is, who wouldn't want to be part of the Christian Bale-led juggernaut in its next incarnation? But please, dude, this is just embarrassing.