VMA stream of consciousness

An extremely on script Britney, a cheeky, filthy Russell Brand, Jordin Sparks rushing to the defense of the purity-ring-sporting Jonas Brothers -- chastity respect, yo! -- and Pink in a punk version of a Joey Heatherton 1960s-era body suit, with 90% more cleavage. Hey, was that a nipple? And why was Shia LaBeouf wearing a suit?

Kanye didn't win, and didn't throw a fit within earshot of anybody with a recording device, real-life Aquaman Michael Phelps mush-mouthed his way through an introduction, Lil Wayne showed us his underpants in their entirety, and Demi Moore appeared for no particular reason. Rihanna got an awful lot of face time, and we can now confirm that nobody, not even Ashlee Simpson, should have to be subjected to Pete Wentz.

These are some impressions of the MTV VMAs, which celebrated their 25th year by giving Britney Spears the biggest haul of the night, host Brand somewhat of a free reign and those of us in the overflow B-Tank an open bar. Maybe it should've been called the D-Tank? Sure made not being in the actual soundstage on the Paramount Studios lot a good deal easier to take, even if we did have to mingle with dozens of Kim Kardashian look-alikes in arse-grazing micro-mini-dresses and aggressive shoes.

Apparently it was a little chilly inside anyway, what with the confused reaction to Brand's political opening -- why didn't we think to call George Bush "that retarded cowboy fellow"? That's good stuff, right there. The condom jokes about Sarah Palin's future son-in-law? Brilliant. The crowd seemed more than a little confused by the mop-haired Brit comedian. And they were expecting ...?

Otherwise, Chris Brown won an award, McLovin tried to fit in with Slipknot with a streamer and popsicle stick mask, and if looks from an audience could kill, Paris Hilton would be dead.

Read some official stuff here.

Comments

[celebrities exposed]

I love Britney. She is so hot wearing that dress.

[Rickson]

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