Colbert, Wiest and catching up

"The Colbert Report" wins its first Emmy, and since Howie and Probst are talking accounting, we'll have a couple minutes to get caught up here.

Must share: We were frozen in our tracks a few minutes ago by the spectacle of Lara Spencer of "The Insider" trotting through the press room followed by a trio of minions carrying the train of her bright orange gown. Like Princess Diana or something. Had to do a double-take to make sure we were seeing what we thought we were seeing. She's never been that intentionally entertaining in her life. Uh, thanks?

Back to the show!

Let's say congrats to the writers from "The Colbert Report," who make the 11:30 to midnight one of the best little chunks of time of our Monday through Thursday.

Dianne Wiest, already an Oscar winner, picked up an Emmy for her therapist-to-the-therapist (Gabriel Byrne) in HBO's highly addictive "In Treatment."

She's consistently great, no doubt. But again, we bit it on this race, best supporting actress in a drama. So let's just go all in here and say we might have one or two right tonight. And even that prediction will probably fall flat. Thank God for the parties later!

We'd thought it was Chandra Wilson's time. The "Grey's Anatomy" actress submitted some tearful, emotional moments and we figured she'd land at the top of this quality heap. Alas, there's always next year, right?

Pivs and the monologue to nowhere

There's so darn much to celebrate about TV that Jeremy Piven was really confused about the opening monologue about nothing.

"I thought we were being punked," he said backstage moments after winning his third Emmy for best supporting actor in a comedy for "Entourage." "I was confused."

Right he is. And chances are this won't be the last criticism of that rambling segment from the five hosts. So, it's the first time the Emmys have ever done quintuplets. Maybe the last, huh?

The Pivs, being not at all like Ari Gold, said winning the third award is better than the first because he thinks the show just keeps getting better. Maybe the novelty has worn off with us, and the whole "Medellin" thing almost drove us away forever, but we're still hanging in. For now.

 

Ivanek lands Emmy

Not only are we now three for three (oh, who's counting), but we even got so close as to pick the right show on this race -- best supporting actor in a drama -- but we chose the wrong guy.

We'd sworn it would be Ted Danson. We know nothing, and we're big enough to admit it.

Instead of Danson, it was Zeljko Ivanek, whose ethically conflicted, closeted attorney made a lasting impression on anyone who clued in to the first season of "Damages." Check it on DVD if you didn't see it the first time around. We're now looking forward even more to the FX afterparty.

Jean Smart threepeats

It's all about self-gratification, and not just of the "Seinfeld" variety.

Indeed it is, Julia Louis-Dreyfus. When last we saw her it was in the swag lounge deep below the stage here at the Nokia where various makers of grocery-store frozen lasagna, expensive Australian boots, smart phones, diamond jewelry, designer sunglasses and espresso machines were ready to shower her with goodies. Apparently she made out pretty well.

But back to the Emmys!

Louis-Dreyfus, who's nominated herself for "The New Adventures of Old Christine," has just announced that Jean Smart has won her third Emmy for best supporting actress in a comedy. This year, it's for "Samantha Who?"

Smart, obviously surprised, couldn't quite get out the words quickly enough and now has the dubious distinction of being the first winner to get Played Off. Damn that orchestra.

Anyway, looks like we're two for two (and not in the correct guess column) for those of you keeping track and readying the snarky comments. Go ahead. We can take it. We have this plate of chocolate goodies provided by the kind ABC folks here in the press room to make us feel better. Ummmm, molten chocolate mini-cupcake.

 

The Pivs romps again

Third consecutive win from four nominations -- we told you Jeremy Piven was the fave for this race, but we really had hoped it would be Neil Patrick Harris breaking that streak. We'll try to suck it up and move on.

Piven, meanwhile, believes he should rethink his chosen profession. Roofer?

His fellow nominees likely hope he'd make a switch too, because he's taking up valuable real estate in the best supporting actor race. OK, in all fairness, he's quite good as the manic, ego-driven Ari Gold in "Entourage."

And he gave us a good jab at the opening "monologue," something about talking for 12 minutes and saying nothing. Good catch, Pivs!

 

Opening monologue to nowhere

She can promote book buying and TV and -- herself!

Oprah's on!

It's all about celebrating TV, even though Groucho said he used to learn a lot by not watching it, choosing to go read a book instead. No wonder Oprah picked that anecdote.

First political joke for the night: Thank you, Howie! Since they're hosts of unscripted shows, nominated for the first time for their own Emmys, these guys are telling us how little they've planned for us. Exciting! "It's like Sarah Palin's bridge to nowhere," Howie says.

And they're stalling ... they're stalling. Aren't they stalling?

If this is scripted, whew boy, what a night it's going to be.

Oh -- wait. It's Heidi Klum in a tear-away suit. With an itty bitty sequined hot pants outfit underneath. Did Christian design that? Now we've seen two of Heidi's planned bazillion costume changes of the night.

 

Emmy hates bomb scares

When the L.A.P.D. Bomb Squad arrives, you know it's a party.

Let's just say that your resident Gold Rusher, along with a couple other Hollywood Reporter stalwarts, are getting a late start blogging the Emmys today not because we were pissing around with our makeup and outfits. No, it's because we were tied up -- not literally, mind you -- in an intense traffic jam over by Convention Center caused perhaps by a bomb threat. Or the threat of a bomb threat.

At any rate, the L.A.P.D. don't play that, ordering dozens of tuxedoed and coiffed folks to leave their cars idling on Cherry Street about two blocks from the Nokia while they checked out The Situation.

No bomb sniffing dogs that we could see, but plenty of heavily armed and appropriatly be-shielded cops seriously scouring the area, including every car that was within a couple-block radius of our intended parking spot, and then gave the all-clear.

In relation to the red carpet and the high-wattage arrivals, this was all taking place in a kind of ghetto backlot area over near the 110. So, some reporters and seat fillers were inconvenienced. Not such a big price to pay to get to see our tax dollars hard at work.

Let's just hope that's not the most exciting thing we see today. Got the adrenaline pumping, we'll tell you that.

So stay tuned, people. More to come.

Emmy loves drama

Making our personal preferences abundantly clear, we wish for a "Mad Men" rising tide that lifts all boats (and by that we mean John Slattery).

Won't happen.

For all the chatter about its slow pacing and its period setting (traditionally not a strong selling point for a drama series when it comes to Emmy), we still think the Emmy's most-nominated series, "Mad Men", will take the top trophy here.

Leading man: James Spader, "Boston Legal," will four-peat, though we'd rather see Jon Hamm win for his suave and troubled ad man Don Draper. Michael C. Hall, "Dexter," and Gabriel Byrne, "In Treatment," and Bryan Cranston, "Breaking Bad," are all long shots, but even the fabulous Hugh Laurie, "House," won't crash Spader's perennial party.

Lead actress: Glenn Close, "Damages." She should've won for her season on "The Shield," and Emmy has proven it will reward the FX baddies (ie Michael Chiklis). That leaves Mariska Hargitay, "Law & Order: SVU," Holly Hunter, "Saving Grace," Sally Field, "Brothers & Sisters," and Kyra Sedgwick, "The Closer," as non-losers who just didn't happen to win.

Tell your friends to order you a cold one -- this is time well spent, but it won't take long -- and keep reading for the supporting picks.

Emmy loves comedy

In a stupor at the end of the day recently, caught in front of the TV too tired even to work the remote, watched two entire episodes of "The New Adventures of Old Christine." That's on CBS, right? Told you we were comatose because, while we're not exactly in the Twilight demo, we're definitely not in the Geriatric Network's crosshairs either.

Through the haze, we realized something. The few remaining three-camera laugh-tracked setup-setup-joke-reaction sitcoms are still on the air for a reason -- when done well, they work. They really work.

Julia Louis-Dreyfus, who broke the so-called "Seinfeld" curse by hitting with this show, is nominated for an Emmy for "Christine" for the fourth time and, say what you will about the series, she's fully on her game (she's already won once as this character). And in another year, she might win again. Just not this one.

Our prediction (and most everybody else's) for best lead actress in a comedy: Tina Fey.

As evidence by the photo above, Nokia is prepping for Sunday's awards, the 60th annual, and so are we. Live Blogging Mania will begin somewhere around 4 p.m.-ish PST and will last until we can't type/snark/prosthelitize no more.

Do join us. And feel free to pop in anytime this weekend, where we'll be relating various tales of swag room subterfuge (we're sure we're on the list!), unwitting favorite stars cornered at parties (maybe Gabriel Byrne can psychoanalyze us?) and various drunken pre-Emmy celebrations.

For now, keep reading for our other comedy predictions.

Emmy miscellany

Are the Emmys really Oscar's paste-eating cousin? Or are they the greatest awards show in the history of the universe?

Depends on who you ask.

We're getting ready for our Live Blogging Extravaganza from the Nokia on Sunday and, as prone to hyperbole as we often are, we'd have to say we're somewhere in the middle, expecting to be pleased by Jon Stewart's sixth consecutive win and annoyed that no one can get around the blustery, over earnest David E. Kelley Important Speeches to beat James Spader for best actor in a drama.

There's yin. There's yang. See?

Amid all the speculation about who will win or lose (hint: don't hold your breath for "Cranford"), we've found some inane toss-off tidbits today that we'd like to share. What's the secret word? Escapism!

Did you know that there are "around 20 crises per day" taking place, and we're not talking about Hurricane Ike or our country's collapsing financial infrastructure. No, that's "crises" as interpreted by an Emmy stylist, whose job is described in Stylephile as "an intricate and demanding science."

So, be awed by the chick who's bejeweling and bestyling Kim Kardashian, the "ET" crew and Billy Idol (Billy Idol?) for the awards. Or don't. But she does have great tips about water pills and colonics!

Will Tina Fey go full Palin doppleganger? Yes, that's been discussed. And yes, some people have obviously gone full retard.

If "American Idol" loses again, giving "Amazing Race" room to continue its Emmy romp, is it Mike Myers' fault? Not such twisted logic when we learn, via Gold Derby, that "American Idol" submitted for its Emmy entry the season finale of David vs. David -- an edge-of-the-seat match-up, no? -- but the episode also includes the horrifying "Love Guru" product integration (marketing-speak for product placement on steroids).

Remember? Awkward shilling for the "comedy," followed by even more awkward banter, the painful commerce-crammed-into-entertainment likes of which we hadn't seen since Jim Carrey appeared in the "Idol" audience in "Horton Hears a Who" elephant ears and trunk? Creepy!

Is that not enough to make Emmy voters go screaming into the Emmy-loaded arms of "Amazing Race?"

We'll see.

Keep coming back for more pre-awards (dim)wit and wisdom.