Sky falling, Oscar movies following

Grab a stiff drink -- it's 5 o'clock somewhere and it's world-gone-to-hell-in-a-hand-basket time everywhere -- and listen to the predictions of the trend spotters who gave us the dreaded terms metrosexual and cocooning.

Financial collapse, ongoing wars, tainted food, natural disasters and skyrocketing prices are damn depressing, say Faith Popcorn and Marian Salzman. (Gee, we probably could've come up with that).

What we didn't know: More men will be impotent, fewer women will be cougars, 9/15 will become the new 9/11, materialism is bad, bingeing is good.

Gives us all something to look forward to, right?

It's a mighty gloomy outlook from these two pop culture analysts -- people will hide under their beds! -- but there's good news for Hollywood. People still want their TV and movies but -- bad news for the upcoming Oscar season -- they want it to be Entertainment Lite, says Salzman.

"People want happy endings. And fantasy. Lots and lots of fantasy, which will be so much better than reality. If it feels too familiar or close to home, we're going to reject it outright."

Hmmm. Doesn't bode well for uber-serious Academy pictures, which are back-loaded into fourth quarter -- the feel-bad movies of the holiday season! (We've already predicted they could reek havoc on the boxoffice). And we think we know what's in store, ratings-wise, if next February's Oscar telecast is a parade of "No Country for Old Men" and "There Will Be Blood" version 2009.

But there's a bright spot, at least for some folks, in the malaise. Popcorn says the makers of alcohol and tobacco will see their business boom as people drink and smoke like there's no tomorrow.

"We're falling off the edge; what difference does it make?"

Carry on, everybody!