Taking Oscar down to the studs

 

And the music swells, and the flustered Oscar winner starts speed-talking and sputtering and generally embarrassing him or herself against a progressively louder orchestra until he or she is played off stage.

Yeah, that's not going to happen this year.

At least that's a goal, say first-time Oscar producers Larry Mark and Bill Condon, who are promising to strip down the bloated but iconic ceremony to its skivvies and re-dress it. Elegantly, of course. (Couldn't come at a better time -- last year's telecast was the lowest-rated in history.)

This time around, no "Gone With the Wind" clips (more current blockbusters!), no awkward clapping during the "in memoriam" montage (at least, not that the home audience will hear) and no traditional opening monologue. While it might seem like a show with a life of its own, steeped in things that must be done, apparently Oscar is flexi.

In fact, the marching order from Sid Ganis and the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences was fairly bare bones, Mark said:

"The only thing you must do is give all the awards out live onstage. You have to respect that. But there are many ways to do that, mind you."

About those acceptance speeches? They'll still be limited to 45 seconds, in theory, and the actors will be given a stern talking-to about that, says Mark.

"Don't thank your laundress."

For more Oscar night plans -- it'll come in under three hours, they promise! -- go here for USA Today's detailed scoop.