Oscar and the pneumatic cannon

A 10-minute conciliatory tribute to "The Dark Knight," complete with a star-studded "Bat Dance," a pneumatic cannon to shoot Oscar statues at below-the-line winners nobody wants to see on stage, green room sexcapades, and an extended vamp from nominee Robert Downey Jr.

So that's what the Oscar telecast has been missing.

At least that's what Vanity Fair's Mark Lisanti suggests should happen this year. Go here for his rationale.

The bloated, tradition-laden show has also been missing Judd Apatow, king of the genitalia joke. Until now. The multihyphenate will trot out a new piece of film and live material on Feb. 22, whatever that means. We hope he'll be poking fun at everyone, but we know better. That went over so well when Jon Stewart and Chris Rock did it.

Other bits that've come out lately about the secrecy-shrouded show, produced by first-timers Larry Mark and Bill Condon: There will be exclusive sneak peeks at future films at the end of the three-hour (plus?) kudofest; some of the presenters will be kept so under wraps that they won't even walk the red carpet; and Baz Luhrmann is putting together an "Australia" musical mashup where host Hugh Jackman will play all the roles, even the little aboriginal orphan.

Just that last part isn't true.

Now are you going to watch?